So, you’ve lost a friendship. It might be a joyful thing or it might be something that’s painful. What is your story? How did it happen? Do you want to change to restore your friendship? What will you do now that it’s gone?
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13 comments:
I think I lost my friendship with my wife, who has been my best friend for longer than you can imagine. The sad thing is that it just kinda drifted away. It wasn't like we both looked up in a panic and said "Where is it? Omigod! Omigod! Find it, FIND IT!" It was more like at one point we realized that it was gone, and had been gone for a long time. We don't know where to look for it, or what we were doing when we lost it, or where we remember seeing it last. I mean, I remember having it, and using it, like when we got married, and helping each other through school, jobs, deaths in the family, like that. But that was all a while ago. I think it may be lost for good.
I was friends with this dude named Mel
THEN HE FUCKING DRANK MY JUICE SQUEEZE
ASSHOLE
anyway why do friends do the thing they do
I intentionally misplaced a friendship. Deleted the number off my phone and scattered all the debris. We had an incredible connection, it was like touching an electric fence and waking up in another world when everything worked out right. When it didn't work out right everything went to shit. Things got destroyed. I lost my house, he lost his job, we said things that left both of us bitter and hurt for months. A friend of ours didn't get married. But no matter what happened we would clear the rubble and start trying to build something again. And it would be great. Songs, poems, ridiculous adventures! And then suddenly everything would crash again. After the fourth or fifth time around, maybe it was actually 9 or 10, who would know? I finally decided the ups weren't worth the downs and that I actually had a lot to lose and called it quits. He calls now and again, but I've lost the keys to our private language intentionally.
I recently broke up with my girlfriend. The relationship was unhealthy for me without my realizing. But she became a rock in my life nonetheless. My heart goes out to her and I hope the best. She's pretty angry and all her behavior dictates that she is unwilling to be friends anymore. This is once from a person that said that "I was her best friend, her family." I know that breaking up was a "bad" thing to do to a person, but it was the best thing for me, and in that I would hope that a friend would understand eventually. I know this sounds crazy, but if were totally in love with her like she was for me, I would hope to feel that I want the best for the other person, regardless, even if that includes leaving me (which I would hope would never be the case.) Optimally, the friendship carries the relationship through the tough times. Perhaps we should have worked on our friendship more than our romance.... Hope this helps out. Thanks for providing the forum for me to exercise these thoughts and feelings as I go through this transition.
I had been good friends with my friend for at least 3 years and it was going great until he opened up a can of worms by telling me that he had liked me for a very long time, giving me the impression that it was since we first started hanging out. I handled the situation with dignity and respect at the time.
Later on that year, during the summer, a slew of issues came up for me... my aunt died, my girlfriend broke up with me, a friend shot himself. Suddenly I didn't want to talk to my other friend because I felt his feelings for me were too much to handle with everything else. I moved away and never talked to him again. I regret it. I've even tried to make contact again but the damage has already been done.
The greatest revelation has been the degree of selfishness I had when thinking that my pain was the only pain to be had.
We grew up in the same small town. We were the only 2 girls among the 6 boys. Both of our mothers got pegnant when we were 10 and we both got baby brothers. We were like sisters and often missed the same days of school so we could hang out together we stayed at each others house all the time. But.....then I started using drugs in highschool (more than the pot we had smoked together) and after graduation I started getting into real trouble with the law. I used her name and birthdate to get out of trouble a couple times and it got back to her by way of not getting a job because she didn't pass the background check. She has not spoke to me since (10 years) and I am clean off the drugs (6 years) Our bond is still in some weird way connected though as when I got pregnant with my 1st child she was too. We both had girls. The same thing happened 3 years later when I had my son she had a son also. I found all this out from my mother who occasionally talks with her mother. Both of our families moved from the small town we grew up in.
i had someone who i thought was a friend, belittled me all the time, split it off when he went to the UW in 10th grade, realized alot of my friends had been that way, dropped them and started over, after that i have been much less lonely and felt much more content with life
She wanted it this way?
Some friends and I have a friend.... who left Olympia. She left Olympia and remained in contact for a short while, and then proceeded to not return phone calls or emails. I love her a lot, and don't take it personally, only because I know she is doing it to everyone else as well.
She indicated to me, before leaving Olympia, that she wasn't really happy here, she felt more comfortable in a big city (so she moved to Seattle). Now she has moved out of state. She is beautiful, and I miss her. But, somehow, I think she wanted to "disappear." Because, well, she did.
Funny thing is, she is still my facebook friend (she won't respond to my facebook messages either). So, I am confused by this. She didn't want to "drop off of the face of the earth" entirely, because, well, this.
I have decided to respect the fact that she hasn't gotten back to me, and I stopped trying. Some other mutual friends have sent her different types of messages. We miss her!
I lost a friendship. I lost it while trying to save it.
He and I had been very good friends for a long time. We would sit under a blanket on his couch in the summertime and watch X-files and eat Handisnacks.
We would watch $1 improv on Sunday nights, staying up late and riding in the back while his dad drove crazy.
I gave it up and dated a different guy because I didn't want to ruin our friendship by complicating it with romance.
It was too late.
He dated a different girl and I dated his friend. Both of us were with them for about 2 years, fantastic relationships. Grand loves.
But they came at the cost of 'him and me.'
its been about 6months since my best friend of 4 years stopped being a friend at all. We were really close and talked about everything -went through a lot of shit. I kind of knew He liked me more than a friend, but I didn't think it would get in the way of our friendship -like no way that would happen! He is such a nice guy, but I just didn't feel that way for Him.
-I ended up getting a boyfriend. This made it really hard to even have a truly good conversation with Him. Eventually He realized that I was really into my boyfriend and had finally got it - "I realized your happy with him, and not me" But I was! -but not the way He wished I was.
Eventually He decided that being friends with me was killing Him, because He was in love with me and I was in love with someone else. He was sorry, but He couldn't be my friend anymore... -My best, most loved friend. I don't see, talk, laugh, or anything with him. I saw him in the store a few weeks ago -it was like seeing a ghost, cuz I feel like died or something.
a roommate of mine for two years began abusing our friendship.
he couldn't afford to pay his share of the utility bill for several months so i helped him out. i understood that sometimes we each go though a rough patch and it was clear that these were hard times for him. i didn't worry about it too much because i had faith in our friendship.
after he borrowed money he slowly stopped talking with me. we used to talk all the time. when we moved away from each other, i would call him to see how he was doing but i would get little response. we talked about his financial situation and he said he would pay me back.
he started ignoring me a lot and fully dropped out of our frienship. i felt that he was trying to bully me around and was only doing this becase he owed me money. i didn't care much about the money, but i did care about how he was treating me. he was talking nicely to our mutual friends about me but he wouldn't directly communicate with me at all. i felt like he wouldn't do this to his male friends and was trying to take advantage of me because i was female and he thought that i wouldn't stand up for myself.
after trying to contact him through email, the phone, and various other friend web sites many different times and after being lied to by him and yelled at and called vulgar names more than i care to remember, i posted how he was treating our situation publicly. i carefully wrote out what i wanted to say and checked my facts. what i did was seen by our mutual friends as rude, backstabbing, and evil.
i saw it as standing up for myself.
i couldn't stand him treating me poorly. i couldn't stand that he threw our friendship out the window because he borrowed money. it drove me crazy that he walked out on 2 years of a good friendship because he was ashamed. i wanted him to stop calling me names and yelling at me when i finally got him to communicate with me. and i wanted this to never happen to him again- i never wanted him to treat another one of our friends this way.
i couldn't sit there and let him abuse me knowing that he would just move onto someone else. he only yelled at me when no one else was around. i found that to be so insulting. so underhanded and manipulative.
i keep it tactful and never called him names or denounced his character. i just wrote what he did and what i did. i even apologized for a few things that i did to contribute to our horrible situation. after the letter was posted, there was a lot of dialogue on the subject but he never entered any.
he really frustrated me and i hated what he did, especially the deciding he could take advantage of me (i later learned that he only ever borrowed money from women and that others had been left before), but if he apologized today, i could easily forgive him.
we saw each other at a friend's wedding this summer. i tried to include him in any conversations we were having, but he brutally ignored me the entire weekend. it was interesting, though, his girlfriend would talk with me quite often, with genuine friendship offered. that was nice. super nice.
i miss my friend. i'm afraid he's never going to change and get out of this rut. and if he keeps treating people like he treated me, then i can't be friends with him.
it sucks. he used to introduce me to people as his sister.
When I was eight I had a friend named Cody. We moved to Seattle, and they moved to a new house, too.
I miss him. I wish I could find him.
I guess it was the girl. I had been friends with this All-American swim team captain, fourth place on the eastern seaboard, all that stuff. His girlfriend had been growing away from him, finding him controlling and such. I had been friends with him for a few years. I met her through him. So, she was growing away from him, little did I know, and he wasn't taking it well, as I could tell. She eventually broke up with him the day before she passed out on me at a party, having spent the whole night following me. She made her feelings known the next day, and we kissed in the rain. He wanted (or still wants, I don't know) nobody to talk to her, be friends with her, pulling juvenile pranks like dyeing the sidewalk in front of her house etc. We talked and he said he still wanted to be friends, but I could tell it was formality and I haven't spoken to him since.
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